Living in the Intersection of Two Identities

Editor's note: The author was born and raised in France by a Moroccan mother and a father from the Central African Republic.

Northern, Western and Central African communities are some of the most visible minority’s groups in France. They coexist in France’s largest cities, particularly in the suburbs, although they can also be found in medium-sized cities, as well as at the heart of France’s villages.

In this country, where we feel that we are not always accepted, our Africanness unites us. This closeness through marriage and relationships can connect Northern Africans to Sub-Saharan Africans. Unfortunately, the experiences of mixed families are not always simple. 

Life in Duality: My Personal Experience

I am the fruit of one of these mixed marriages. Thirty years ago, a marriage between a Northern African and a Sub-Saharan African was regarded as unusual. While it is true that intermarriages between these two communities are more and more common today, these relationships continue to be perceived as subversive.

Northern Africans and Sub-Saharan Africans do date, but they rarely marry. They share the same continent of origin, the same values, and very often the same religion. However, many refuse to share the intimacy and the warmth of the same home.

So how can one, as a child, cope as the fruit of such mixed marriages? How to find one's place? What to do when one has the painful emotional baggage of finding oneself in the middle of a war between families? 

If you identify with such a description, you will feel very bad at first. The experience of mixed-race Eurafricans is significantly different from the one of mixed-race Africans. There are many more of us than you might think, and so far, there are only a few who are acknowledging us.

If you have a light complexion, society will identify you as a European, a fact that can sometimes prove to be frustrating and show their lack of understanding. As a child, you sometimes find it hard to understand why some members of your family refused to speak to you, while others pampered you and considered you a gem.

If you had the hard luck of being born a woman with frizzy hair, you would attempt to burn it with relaxer creams, thinking it would be more attractive or may even still think this.  However, that same frizzy, mixed hair is the object of envy and admiration of many people. You have learned to hide your origins when necessary. You have often had to deal with anti-Blackness and sometimes with colorism. Depending on your complexion, you are considered a plague or a privileged person.

Lighter is Better

In the Maghreb, where Arabization played a major role, having a darker skin (melanin) is a hindrance. The more you have it; the more complicated your integration into society becomes. Would you be able to risk giving birth to a black child or a dark-skinned child? The skin tone alone can influence the value that society projects on those around you.

In Sub-Saharan Africa, where all too often worship is devoted to fair complexion, every mixed-race individual might rightly wonder if they are being fetishized or worn just like a beauty accessory. An accessory that will add prestige to their partner. Have you ever wondered if your presence within your company is purely and simply a performative attempt at diversity? It is legitimate to feel used sometimes.

Sometimes you may doubt the good faith and good intentions of others towards you. “Am I here because I am worth it or am I here because of what I represent unconsciously in society?”

Make no mistake. Being on the side of the privileged makes life easier. I am fully aware of this because as a light-skinned mixed-race woman, I know I am privileged compared to others. However, my position has all the ingredients of a bittersweet one.

One day I am "Azzia" and the next day I am called "White". Too often only one face of my identity is perceived, and yet like every human being, I am multifaceted. I cannot be put in one box. 

I have learned to think inside and outside the schemes of my cultures of origin. I have learned to understand the mechanisms of thought of those close to me and I have been able to get rid of the projections that were made about my identity. 

To be mixed-race is to constantly navigate between these different African identities that are so close and yet so distant at the same time. It is an exercise that you may have perfected already.

You have one day decided to free yourself from the judgments and projections of society as well as those of your family. One day you decided to (dis)educate yourself for the better. Then, after a Google search, you discover the term "Afro-Arab".

Afro-Arab

A term that condenses so many imperfections as well as pain. A phrase that, despite everything, you have fully embraced. From then on, you knew that you were not alone. You discovered a community of destinies with which you share a common experience.

It would be absurd to underestimate the power of representation. Representation inspires. Representation offers new perspectives, and many times, representation gives hope.

This is why I created this platform called “The Mazeej Project”. To offer a space for sharing and expressing for all those people who are painfully juggling their Africanness and Arabness, this is what I wanted to do, because I understood that feeling part of a community is a form of recognition and pride. And the feeling of belonging is precious because it forges a personality and seals a destiny. 

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the position of the magazine.